Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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