Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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