i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
