How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
