The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
