i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
