Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
