is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
