he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
