great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
