I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
