I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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