wanna go halves on a baby?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
