So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
