woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
