they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
