I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
