I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
