Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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