your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
