I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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