Don't make out with my wife yet
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
