Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
