I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
