i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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