Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
