I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
