He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
