Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
