I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
