I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
