Four minutes until I can fart!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
