i would punch a child for taco bell
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
