I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
