they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
