Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
