She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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