Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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