a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
