I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
