Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
