filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
