Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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