she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
