She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
