I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
