At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
