She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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