Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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