Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
