with your own penis?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
