i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
