I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
